Diving In...

"Diving in" seemed an appropriate follow-up to "Jump then Fall"...because we have jumped, fallen and are now diving, head over heals, into adopting from Haiti. It's hard to believe that we are on this journey. It takes so much just to get started. Of course, you never know what you're getting into until you go for it.

As of right now, we are in the major paperwork overload stage. We are filling out our home study packet and preparing for our social worker to visit us soon. Who knew all the information you have to reveal about yourself? It's certainly necessary, but I guess I've never really thought much about it because I haven't actually walked through this process myself or alongside a close friend.

The questionnaires and paperwork are revealing and reflective. While I filled out the marriage questionnaire, I reflected on what I love about my husband, how we communicate, what we struggle with, what our challenges are as a couple and how we resolve conflict. I retold the story of falling in love with Don and fell further in love with him as I told it, and thought about so much in our lives that I never really spend much time thinking about...this has been a good exercise and worth the time that it has taken.

There's also the "autobiography" of sorts that you have to write plus a parenting questionnaire. Each step has caused me to process more of who I am, who we are as a family, and who Don and I are as a couple and as parents. Perhaps this is part of the design of the home study, or maybe it's just a side effect. Either way, it's been so good for me to spend time writing and preparing, thinking all the time about the little boy or girl that will come into our family.

Because the process takes so long (18 months or so), and we don't know yet who our child is, there is a strange feeling that this isn't "real". So many others are much further ahead. We have so many steps to complete, so many government agencies to go through and so much waiting. The adoption of a child is often compared to a pregnancy. I like the analogy.

For me, the paperwork has seemed a bit like morning sickness and the overwhelming tiredness...something to get through but also a reason to cause me to slow down. At times I've thought, I will never get through the paperwork. Other times, I've been so tired from thinking and writing, but the process is good...necessary.

When the paperwork is done and the documents are sent to their respective places (after many notarizations, government clearances, translations, etc.), we will begin to wait. When you're pregnant, you have to wait too. Why should it be any different with adoption? We will wait. Sometimes we will wait patiently. Sometimes we will wait in anxiousness.

Our labor will come in stages...first, through our referral (when we get an emailed picture of our child!), then a first visit to meet our child and finally bringing our child home forever. I think the labor pains will be strongest between the time we first meet our child in Haiti and the time when we bring him or her home.

Anyway around it, it's all a process. The process is good, though, and worth it. Good things come to those who wait; and all things good are from God, and He promises that our labor will not be in vain. Thank goodness His process, plan and timing is perfect.

So, here we go... dive with us, head over heels. The journey will be worth it!

WARNING: you will get wet on this ride!

Jump then Fall

Since returning from Haiti, my heart can't stop thinking about the children there. I was overwhelmed by the reality of so many children without parents. While I knew the statistic "147 Million" orphans, thanks to the wonderful awareness campaign by moms making a difference, that number itself is hard to comprehend. However, when I put faces with the number, my heart felt sick...so many children with no mom, no dad, no family.

One day, I spoke with one of the male workers at the orphanage. We had a long conversation. Jean Marie was learning English and was eager to talk to me. In our conversation, I asked him what he thought about Americans and other foreigners adopting the Haitian children and taking them out of their homeland. With Jean Marie being Haitian, I wanted to hear his perspective.

What he told me, further opened my eyes. Jean Marie said, "I love America. I love Americans. You have come in to help us when we cannot help ourselves. The only chance that these children have in this world is to be adopted. I am very grateful and happy that Americans want to take care of and love these kids." Those words, coming from Jean Marie whose homeland is Haiti, rocked my world.

Eliza and I fell in love with these precious souls. We loved on them, carried them, played with them, fed them, giggled, sang and just held them...for hours. It was so difficult to leave them when it was time to return to the States. Here, at home, I can't stop thinking about those children. One, in particular, holds a firm grasp on my heart. She is constantly on my mind and in my heart...

I was emotionally unprepared to be called "Mama Blanc"to tiny hearts thousands of miles away, and I know I am among hundreds of women who feel similar. The attachment is much more powerful than I imagined. So hard, in fact, that when Eliza and I came home, we asked our own family to consider adoption.

We have been praying now for just over 30 days. Some of us are looking for a big sign that says, "yes, adoption is for your family!" Some want a small sign, a nudge. Others of us don't need a sign at all. The heart just knows... perhaps that is sign enough.

Today I came across a quote that I wrote down during a Bible study last year. I don't know if someone in our group said it, if I penned it or if I paraphrased it from something that was said. It doesn't matter. 

What I wrote was, "Are you afraid to pray for what you need because of fear you might get it?" A couple of days ago, I was reading Facebook posts, and my friend Kelly posted, "Why do we doubt God when He...shows us opportunities -- why do we look for things to hold us back -- why?"

Both of those questions are "fear-based." We can talk ourselves out of anything if we focus on the fear-factor. I understand practicality and the need to consider reality when making a big decision, but sometimes, the best decisions are the most impractical, the most radical...the most real.

Fear of what is not practical can hold us back from falling...even while we stare possibility in the face. Fear of what feels radical can keep us from leaping...even while God holds His will in our face.

Do I need a sign? Do I have to hold out a fleece? Do I have to be practical?  Do I need reasons to hold myself back? If so, what am I going to miss?

I'm feeling the urge to jump...