Diving In...

"Diving in" seemed an appropriate follow-up to "Jump then Fall"...because we have jumped, fallen and are now diving, head over heals, into adopting from Haiti. It's hard to believe that we are on this journey. It takes so much just to get started. Of course, you never know what you're getting into until you go for it.

As of right now, we are in the major paperwork overload stage. We are filling out our home study packet and preparing for our social worker to visit us soon. Who knew all the information you have to reveal about yourself? It's certainly necessary, but I guess I've never really thought much about it because I haven't actually walked through this process myself or alongside a close friend.

The questionnaires and paperwork are revealing and reflective. While I filled out the marriage questionnaire, I reflected on what I love about my husband, how we communicate, what we struggle with, what our challenges are as a couple and how we resolve conflict. I retold the story of falling in love with Don and fell further in love with him as I told it, and thought about so much in our lives that I never really spend much time thinking about...this has been a good exercise and worth the time that it has taken.

There's also the "autobiography" of sorts that you have to write plus a parenting questionnaire. Each step has caused me to process more of who I am, who we are as a family, and who Don and I are as a couple and as parents. Perhaps this is part of the design of the home study, or maybe it's just a side effect. Either way, it's been so good for me to spend time writing and preparing, thinking all the time about the little boy or girl that will come into our family.

Because the process takes so long (18 months or so), and we don't know yet who our child is, there is a strange feeling that this isn't "real". So many others are much further ahead. We have so many steps to complete, so many government agencies to go through and so much waiting. The adoption of a child is often compared to a pregnancy. I like the analogy.

For me, the paperwork has seemed a bit like morning sickness and the overwhelming tiredness...something to get through but also a reason to cause me to slow down. At times I've thought, I will never get through the paperwork. Other times, I've been so tired from thinking and writing, but the process is good...necessary.

When the paperwork is done and the documents are sent to their respective places (after many notarizations, government clearances, translations, etc.), we will begin to wait. When you're pregnant, you have to wait too. Why should it be any different with adoption? We will wait. Sometimes we will wait patiently. Sometimes we will wait in anxiousness.

Our labor will come in stages...first, through our referral (when we get an emailed picture of our child!), then a first visit to meet our child and finally bringing our child home forever. I think the labor pains will be strongest between the time we first meet our child in Haiti and the time when we bring him or her home.

Anyway around it, it's all a process. The process is good, though, and worth it. Good things come to those who wait; and all things good are from God, and He promises that our labor will not be in vain. Thank goodness His process, plan and timing is perfect.

So, here we go... dive with us, head over heels. The journey will be worth it!

WARNING: you will get wet on this ride!

Jump then Fall

Since returning from Haiti, my heart can't stop thinking about the children there. I was overwhelmed by the reality of so many children without parents. While I knew the statistic "147 Million" orphans, thanks to the wonderful awareness campaign by moms making a difference, that number itself is hard to comprehend. However, when I put faces with the number, my heart felt sick...so many children with no mom, no dad, no family.

One day, I spoke with one of the male workers at the orphanage. We had a long conversation. Jean Marie was learning English and was eager to talk to me. In our conversation, I asked him what he thought about Americans and other foreigners adopting the Haitian children and taking them out of their homeland. With Jean Marie being Haitian, I wanted to hear his perspective.

What he told me, further opened my eyes. Jean Marie said, "I love America. I love Americans. You have come in to help us when we cannot help ourselves. The only chance that these children have in this world is to be adopted. I am very grateful and happy that Americans want to take care of and love these kids." Those words, coming from Jean Marie whose homeland is Haiti, rocked my world.

Eliza and I fell in love with these precious souls. We loved on them, carried them, played with them, fed them, giggled, sang and just held them...for hours. It was so difficult to leave them when it was time to return to the States. Here, at home, I can't stop thinking about those children. One, in particular, holds a firm grasp on my heart. She is constantly on my mind and in my heart...

I was emotionally unprepared to be called "Mama Blanc"to tiny hearts thousands of miles away, and I know I am among hundreds of women who feel similar. The attachment is much more powerful than I imagined. So hard, in fact, that when Eliza and I came home, we asked our own family to consider adoption.

We have been praying now for just over 30 days. Some of us are looking for a big sign that says, "yes, adoption is for your family!" Some want a small sign, a nudge. Others of us don't need a sign at all. The heart just knows... perhaps that is sign enough.

Today I came across a quote that I wrote down during a Bible study last year. I don't know if someone in our group said it, if I penned it or if I paraphrased it from something that was said. It doesn't matter. 

What I wrote was, "Are you afraid to pray for what you need because of fear you might get it?" A couple of days ago, I was reading Facebook posts, and my friend Kelly posted, "Why do we doubt God when He...shows us opportunities -- why do we look for things to hold us back -- why?"

Both of those questions are "fear-based." We can talk ourselves out of anything if we focus on the fear-factor. I understand practicality and the need to consider reality when making a big decision, but sometimes, the best decisions are the most impractical, the most radical...the most real.

Fear of what is not practical can hold us back from falling...even while we stare possibility in the face. Fear of what feels radical can keep us from leaping...even while God holds His will in our face.

Do I need a sign? Do I have to hold out a fleece? Do I have to be practical?  Do I need reasons to hold myself back? If so, what am I going to miss?

I'm feeling the urge to jump...

I Want to Give it All...

This is my first posting for twenty-ten as I prefer to call it... just seems to have a better ring to it than two-thousand-ten does. Not only is this a new year, but it is a new decade as well. For some of us, like me, it's a fresh start, a new beginning, a new chapter.

                                                       (photo credit: images.mirror.co.uk)

Sadly, though, January 2010 has brought disaster upon the nation of Haiti. I believe the word "disaster" may be too light to describe the situation there. Having watched news coverage, followed tweets of people who are there and witnessed a personal friend leave and return from the devastation, I would have to say that Haiti, in its current condition is hell-on-earth.

With the 7.0 earthquake and the subsequent aftershocks day-after-day, the death totals are being estimated at 100,000 people plus. What breaks my heart is the reports of those with minor injuries who could have been saved but have died because of lack of doctors, medical supplies, medicine, hospitals, food, water, shelter... what the media is now calling "stupid deaths."

Stupid deaths? Stupid deaths are unacceptable, but how can help get to this ravaged nation with no airport, no port, no roads and no plan for distribution? Here we are a week from the date of the earthquake, and supplies, while at the airport, are only now making it to some of the far-reaching areas hit by the quake, some of the most devastated areas.

If you have children, like I do, it's impossible to explain why such a tragedy has occurred. There is no explanation except that we live in a fallen world with natural disasters, man-made disasters, and danger facing every person every day -- some of us in more danger than others; however, because accidents and death occur on our planet, there is no one who is immune.

We have talked with our children about the earthquake in Haiti, the deaths, the needs, and the devastation. To try to explain "why" remains virtually impossible; however, as Christians, the Good News is that Earth is not our home. We are not destined for a fallen, hurtful world. As children of God, saved by the blood of the Lamb, we are destined for heaven where there is no death, no sorrow, no hunger, no earthquakes, no tsunamis, no hurricanes or tornados... nothing fearful or bad. The promise of heaven is our comfort, our hope.

Finding comfort in heaven and in the God who saves us is evident in men and women across the globe and radiating in the people of Haiti. The media has shown us images and video of the Haitian people calling out in prayer and song to God, walking the streets in chorus, asking God, "why" but surviving in the promise of eternity.

                          (photo credit: airamerica.com/ breakingnews/22702/)

The 69 year old woman pulled from the rubble yesterday was actually in the home of the Catholic Archbishop. The woman, Ena Zizi, after being saved from 6 days without food or water, said "I talked only to my boss, God. I didn't need any more humans." Obviously, a woman of faith, in peace and relying on God alone... powerful.

These stories and more have touched the heart of my family and those around the world; however, most pressing on our family's heart has been the condition of the orphans in Haiti... "the least of these." We have friends who have been directly affected because of their own adoption-in-process of Tia, a 5 year old Haitian girl.

Tia's father, Mike Wilson, rushed to Haiti the day after the quake to find his 21 year old daughter, Katie, there as a missionary, and his soon-to-be-adopted daughter, Tia. Mike left with the knowledge that they were alive. He just had to find them. Mike and Tia's story, along with the stories of many orphans, have been all over the networks, CNN, MSNBC, FOX, etc. Mike found the girls and the orphans, was able to move the orphans to safety, was able to get Katie home but refused to leave without Tia. Sadly, all of the Haitian adoptions papers had been destroyed when the five-story building where they were housed collapsed into a 5 ft. pile of rubble.

The next 5 days proved to be an adrenaline loaded rush to get Mike and Tia home safely, and, if possible, all 47 orphans. The Brent Gambrell Ministry worked tirelessly day and night with little sleep, if any, to get their loved ones home. Our family was pulled in to help along the way. So, our mission became an extension to donating money, buying and packing supplies. It became a mission of helping to save lives.

To God be the glory... He used the hands and feet of his servants to accomplish what seemed to be an insurmountable task at times, and He delivered Mike and Tia and one other orphan home on Tuesday, January 19, 2010. God took crazy moving parts, philanthropic people, information, government red tape and more and used it to accomplish His purposes.

On any given day, most of us would not have considered asking for the donation of a private jet, much less receive it. On any given day, we would not have expected an adoption in Haiti that takes years to complete to happen within a matter of days. On any given day, the Red Cross and UNICEF could not have expected to receive upwards of $7 million in donations in ONE evening. On any given day, we would not have expected to hear reports of a 69 year old woman surviving 6 days without food and water.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010 was not any given day. It was the day that the Lord put people into action to save the hurting, the broken, the lost, the buried, the injured, the most destitute of nations in the world (even before the earthquake). January 12, 2010 was a day that God's hand of miracles became undeniable -- from sea-to-shining-sea.

With miracles happening all around, needs being met in extraordinary ways and people in the midst of unimaginable crisis, our children have been able to witness the fact that every little bit helps -- every penny, every drop of medicine, every water purification packet, every pair of shoes, every act of kindness and relief and EVERY PRAYER. They are witnessing God responding to the cries of the brokenhearted, the broken in spirit and those with broken bodies.

To that end, my 9-year-old daughter Eliza raised her hand to help. On Monday afternoon, after she had witnessed the miracle of securing a plane to bring Tia and Mike home, she came home, asked me for her money jar (which I keep hidden at her request) and began counting her bills and coins. I didn't know why other than the fact that she had asked me if she could exchange 3 dollars worth of quarters for 3 dollar bills.

While I was in the kitchen preparing dinner, Eliza tapped me on the arm. I turned to look at her. She looked at me with her saucer round blue eyes and handed me a Ziploc baggie full of bills and coins... on the outside of the baggie was written in Sharpie, "$182.64 Money for Haiti." This money was her life savings. I leaned over and gave Eliza a big hug and said, "Eliza this is wonderful. You are so generous." Then I asked her, "Are you sure you want to give it all?!" Eliza, with tears in her eyes, said, "What do I need it for? I don't need it for anything. I want to give it ALL." She cried. I cried.

I looked at Eliza and thought, "she gets it." She wants to give it all... not most, not some, not a little -- ALL. Eliza wanted to help bring Tia home to her new family -- DONE! She wants to bring all of the orphans of Haiti safely to adoptive families. She believes that she can help with her $182.64. She's right...