48 Hours Off

The Donahue Crew managed to survive 48 hours without iPhones, iPads, iPods, Macs or TVs...no texting, calling, tweeting, status updating or wearing of headphones! It helped that we were away from home with fewer opportunities for distraction.

I'll be first to admit that I love technology, and it's not a bad thing in and of itself. It was enlightening, though, to see how we operated without it. I'm used to carrying my iPhone around everywhere. It's not just my cell phone, but it's also our home phone. IT'S ALWAYS WITH ME. Sometimes I think it's another appendage.

Over break, though, instead of carrying it around, I left it on the kitchen counter in case of an emergency. It stayed on but wasn't used.

Walking around without my phone, I discovered how much I use it or my iPad to distract myself or to bide time. Instead of checking email, reading Facebook, Googling, texting or playing Words with Friends, I read a book (a real one with a cover and pages!), talked to my family, took strolls and enjoyed being.

I was overwhelmed by how much I depend on technology. Sometimes it feels almost drug-like...We can't get enough. We check email before getting out of bed, text while walking across the room, talk on the phone while taking a walk, even text while we're driving.

All of it can WAIT. We may feel the pressure to respond to email or texts right away or feel the urge to see who is doing what on Facebook, but all of this is getting in the way of our paying attention to where we are right when we're there...rarely do we "stay in the moment."

I so enjoyed sitting on the front porch with Cara while the others were away. We had zero to do except be together. We talked, read, swung from the swing in the tree and rested in each other's presence.

We carved pumpkins, roasted marshmallows, talked in the glow of the fire under the stars, played board games, went hiking and ate meals together...pretty much ideal...no ringing, dinging, buzzing, or vibrating to distract us from right where we were--together.

Granted, we only took 48 hours off and were 100 miles from home. There was no TV to even tempt us, and we were on Fall Break with no schedule to keep...all of these factors played a part in the degree of difficulty and ability to create some idyllic moments; however, the absence of our technical distractions was palpable at times. The draw to checkin with the world was real, and the experience was sobering.

I wish I could say that we came home and continued the trend, but we didn't. Today, it's almost impossible to function in society without some quick/instant form of communication. It's expected. Demanded even.

What bugs me the most, is that I find myself so often tangled in the trap of "instantaneous-ism"... missing the moment for what it is and the ability to appreciate it while it's there, distracting myself so I don't have to think about something else or just biding time.

Just biding time?! Yikes!

So, we're a technologically savvy culture, but we don't have to be a slave to it. We can use it and put it away when someone's talking to us. Tune it out while we're driving. Shut it off and be.

Trust me... it'll be there when you get back... it always is!

What do you do?

A few months ago, I guess it could have been a year now, anyway... a while back,  Cara asked me to fill out a  parent/daughter questionnaire. It was in the vein of "how much do you know about me."

The questionnaire came compliments of the American Girl Magazine -- great magazine, by the way. Cara loves interaction, activities, anything that promotes togetherness. She's very bright, creative and fun to be with.

At any rate, Cara had this "get to know you" questionnaire, and one night before bed, she asked me if we could do it together. So, I climbed up onto Cara's bed, and she handed me my form while she held hers.

The point was to fill in the blanks about the other person in order to discover how much you really knew about her. Some of the questions were: What is your daughter/parent's dream destination? What is your daughter/parent's favorite color?  Who is your daughter/parent's hero? What does your daughter want to be when she grows up?, and the corresponding question to "what does your daughter want to be when she grows up" was on Cara's form, and read, "What is your parent's occupation?"

I glanced over the questions, and Cara and I lay on her bed with pens in hand, surveys ready. When we finished answering the questions, we went back and forth telling each other what we had written down for the other. Cara knew that my dream destination is Hawaii. I knew that Cara's dream destination is New York. We both did a pretty good job getting our answers right. We know each other pretty well :>) We also learned a little about each other too.

That said, in regard to the question: "What is your parent's occupation?" Cara wrote the word "nothing"! WHAT!!? NOTHING?! For a second, I was speechless, a little hurt and definitely feeling under appreciated. I decided, though, to use this as a "teachable moment."

I explained to Cara that my occupation is a mother. Being a mother is a job, and it's very important. Cara replied, "Mom, that's not a real job!" Oh, boy. My blood started to boil, and I'm sure my face was beat red with anger and confusion (how could she not know that "mom" is a job). Instead of getting angry, though, I decided that I must not be doing a very good job at my job... at least not in communicating the significance of mom.

So, Cara sat and listened while I explained the importance and significance of being a mom. I told Cara, "Honey, being a mom is a full-time job. It's not a job you get money for, but it's a job that continues for 24 hours a day and 7 days a week -- forever. Once a mom... always a mom." I described the hats that I wear to Cara. I'm a cook, a housekeeper, a taxi driver, a listener, a doctor (of sorts), a dog trainer, a lunch maker, a gardener, a decorator, a laundress (on occasion, as Don really does the wash), a mender of the broken-hearted, a travel agent, a buyer (clothes, groceries, etc.), an activity planner... I could go on and on. It didn't take long for Cara to get the point.

While I know that Cara's intentions weren't to slight me and my position as a mom, I did want her to understand the undeniable significance of being a mother, the value in staying home to raise the kids. My salary is not monetary. My benefits are not $10 co-pays.

As a mom I earn a "salary" in terms of my children's welfare and well being, how each adjusts in society and how each treats others, and ultimately what kind of men/women each turns out to be (at least to some extent). As a mom, it is my job to raise my children into adulthood, and I want to do it with intentionality, compassion, love, patience, gentleness, kindness, honor, goodness, respect, all the while teaching each one life lessons and and how to learn from our mistakes, hardships, and even heartaches. What job could be more important? What job could have more significance and influence in our society? There is no comparison.

My benefits as a mom include hugs and kisses, the "I love you's" at 18 months, 8, 18, 28 and beyond. They also include precious time together -- walks, talks, and, yes, even surveys and questionnaires! The benefits go way beyond even my ability to imagine them. The benefits are endless and incomparable.

I told Cara that my dream job as a little girl was to be a mom. Many women have careers in addition to their careers as moms; however, I'm only talking about me here. "So," I told Cara, "I'm living my dream." I'm blessed beyond measure, beyond understanding, beyond belief. Truly my cup runneth over when all things good and bad are considered.

As moms, we take the good with the bad, the beautiful with the ugly, the impossible with the possible. The profession of mom is no less valuable than the profession of doctor, lawyer, merchant, chief, :>)etc. The job of mom is a lifetime of commitment and, for me, a dream come true.

Cara and I chatted a little more, finished revealing our survey results and hugged each other while I tucked her in bed (benefits!) Before I left, though, Cara said, "Mom, I was going to put FaceBook as your job." WHAT?!

That's a whole 'nother story...